A lone wanderer walks into a town

[Teenr0cker]

I recognise the words but nothing comes up for cohesion...and I guess line breaks are easy enough to guess

[Teenr0cker]

It's another update!!!! What's sad is I did this so quickly....


And so he slept, dreaming questionable dreams of hamburgers and hell all through the night. He woke up with a rather odd-looking old man with no personal regard to hygiene and a weird man fully cloaked in a brown robe, face and all, sleeping by the near-dead campfire. Not sure what the hell was going on, Teen departed swiftly, heading toward the nearby dock town. He went up to a man in a turban and asked what he had to do to get on the ship. The man explained that some horrible monster lived somewhere in the desert: if Teen could kill it, he could ride.

Teen considered the offer for a brief moment before he decided that killing the man and then taking the boat was much easier than killing a demon. So Teen simply gave the man a copy of some religious mumbo jumbo he found in a garbage can and the man suddenly felt the urge to not shower and be lazy all day. And with that horrible stereotype, Teen went on the boat.

About three days later, after traveling through some sort of jungle and to a major shrine, Teen approached an ominous looking portal. What lay behind the portal? He knew not, but he did know that the crown was close by. With a sigh and a leap, Teen jumped through the portal to find an empty chamber with five expensive looking statues in various places. As Teen got simply near them, they shattered into tiny bits of dust. As Teen, having not learnt from the previous four, approached and broke the fifth statue, a horrible force began to shake the earth. What could it be? It couldn’t possibly be a....


Of course, a horrible and big, lizard-like demon. Big and scaly, the monster looked quite much like a lizard, but with fiery yellow eyes, huge curled horns, a very pointy tail, even pointier claws, and vicious teeth. Oh, and fire breath. It had lots of that too. Teen cowered in horror as the creature took in a deep breath and said.....(suspense device here kiddies)

"Hi, welcome to Burger King! May I take your order?"

Wait....what? Hold up, hold up!
(everything stops)
Fitz: What the hell is this?
Teen: uhh, my horrible ripoff of Diablo 2?
Fitz: Yeah...but...Strayed? Could you help me out here?
Strayed: Uh yeah...Teen? Your story sucks so far. In fact, that was the most anti-climactic scene you've pulled out of your ass as of yet.
Teen: This is normally the place where I say "Hey guys, chill out! It'll get better!", but I know that crap doesn't work that way, so shut up and make your own topic.
Strayed: Fuck you.
(and we resume this awkward moment of stuff)

Teen glared very hard at his new surroundings, not noticing the changes. The cave was no longer filled with screams of the damned...those were in the restrooms. And the lava was gone, leaving the fluorescent lights to provide lighting in the room. Teen didn't know where the humming noise was coming from but he didn't care. As he selected food from the menu above the large demon's head, Teen noticed that there were several crowns, all made of cardboard, stacked off to the side. After paying for the food and finding a plastic booth to sit in, Teen pondered if that was the kind of crown that Jera had requested. He hurried and finished his meal and approached the demon once more. "Hey, Mr. Satan? Can I have one of these crowns?" Teen asked, hoping to acquire one and go back to town. The forced smile on the demon disappeared and he narrowed his eyes in a "not good way" in Teen's opinion. The demon placed one on his head and torched the others, grinning like some bastard who just set a bunch of crowns on fire. Then he grabbed Teen and asked, in a much more unpleasant and deeper voice "You mean this crown?" and began to squeeze.

Teen knew he was going to be a pussy if he were ever in an RPG team, being that useless bitch with amazing defense, but crap for offence, and decided to give up on the dream of being the doom caster by actually using the force power as a shield.

Strayed: Damn right he's a pussy
Teen: Quiet you.

It took whatever mental power Teen had to focus on keeping that bubble up. Teen noticed that all bosses must have a weakness, and this was no exception. But alas! Teen had no ice skills, nor any water skills, so there must be an item of power the demon possessed. Going out on a limb, Teen decided that he would hit the crown off the demons head. Dipping into his blood for extra energy, a painful and literally impossible technique, Teen acquired a bit more mental energy and focused it into forming a large hand of sorts. It started stretching from the bubble, a foot long already. Two feet! Five! Almost there...just a little bit-

What? The crown was gone!!! As Teen dropped and landed on the floor with a horrible looking furby, he realized that the demon was actually a furby. It all made sense to Teen that a small and annoying little toy was the symbol of all evil. But as Teen saw the crown slowly drift towards the ground, he turned to see a figure in peculiar green armor run towards the crown, catch it in midair, and hand it over to Teen.

Teen got up and saw that this figure had an impressive amount of scales, reptilian of some kind, on his body armor, as well as a very cool looking dragon skull on each shoulder. The grey eyes and shock of blonde hair was very...off-putting, considering what happened next.

"Whoah dude, that was awe-" Teen began. But the warrior interrupted with a stream of talk unheard of by any. His random conversation was so rapid-fire that Teen couldn't figure out what was being said in the midst of the waterfall of words that never seemed to have an end in sight. "uh.....uhm....hello?....Hello?!? Who are you?" Teen said finally, jamming one of the meat sandwiches in the warriors’ mouth. Teen was lucky that the food slowed the talking down, because he got the following out of the warrior "HeytheremynameisDraconSlayer,butyoucancallmeDraconforshort.Iliveinthesouthoftheworld... thedeepsouth,thatis!!!"
"It figures" Teen sighed as he picked up the loot from the demon and left.

While on the ship sailing back to the desert that night, Teen examined his goods that he had looted from the furby-thing. Most of it was gold, but he also found a very nice ring that he had once seen a very wealthy trader wear with the utmost care. Remembering that Strayed would be back at the oasis waiting for him, Teen prepped some of the meat he had purchased and planned to have some for dinner.

Strayed: Damn right woman. You better go and get me some food! I's hongrey!

Teen came to the campsite to find it deserted...but then noticed the tracks in the sand towards the Tent. With a small flick of the wrist, Teen shaped a ball of swirling force the size of his fist in midair, followed by a long rod of pure force as well. Teen kept the ball at shoulder height and swung the stick, propelling the ball right towards the tent. As the tent collapsed, Teen was right in guessing that Strayed had been hiding there, no doubt still sour from their last encounter.

Strayed: What? No fucking way would I simply hide in a tent! I mastered Splinter Cell Chaos Theory! I would totally hide in the tree and snap your neck from above or something!

Anyways, as Strayed got out of the collapsed tent, his knife drawn, he saw the meat that Teen had brought for dinner and decided that he would let it slide if Teen gave him some to eat...maybe...

Strayed: Whohooo! That's right Bitches! Daddy needs to eat!
Voice: Do you mind?
Strayed: Here's a buck kid. Go Crazy.

And with that, I sign off for now, ending my brief lapse in my math study session (brief? pssh, yeah right).

[Glenn47]

Through reading all of your story so far, I just have a question. What am I, your mentor or something?

[Greatchickenman]

And why aren't I in it!









Don't answer that...