hfygs - The Birth

[OverlordBill]

What is hfygs?

I post a situation with some options at the bottom. The next person chooses an option, and continues trying to make the story as insane as possible. They also put options at the bottom of their post for what to do next, and the pattern repeats.

Let the stupidity begin.


You are skipping along to school one day swinging you Captain American Hero Man lunch box by your side, when the Rosetta stone falls out of the sky and onto your pinky toe. Screaming in pain, you fall over into a rose bush, which quickly is shown to be a gaping hole into a warren. A warren of what?

Pigs. But not just any pigs, these pigs are strange mutant pigs, capable of shooting figs out of their pig eyes. You carefully stand up, trying not to disturb the fig shooting pigs and smack your head into Abraham Lincoln's buried treasure that just happens to be sticking out of the wall at a dangerous angle.

Before the Figgy Pigs (as they are sometimes called) can shoot their Figgy Pig Figs at you, the tuna sandwich from your lunchbox grows arms, legs, and an eye. Standing up, it beckons you to come into the thermos of pea soup your mother makes you bring.

Do you:

> Follow the sandwich.
> Throw the sandwich at the Figgy Pigs and try to take Abraham Lincoln's treasure.
> Check the Rosetta Stone to make sure those god damn linguists figured out Egyptian correctly.

Go!

[Takarious]

I follow the god damned sandwich.

[OverlordBill]

You also can't god damn read. It's pretty clear that I said you're supposed to continue the story, but don't even bother. I don't want to see whatever you decide to churn out.

[Teenr0cker]

You consider your chances in front of you: get some dead guy's stuff, read, or follow your lunch to a safer place. You don't like the first two, so you hurl the stone at the treasure, which then breaks off the wall and crushes the Ignorant Takarious in the process. As you cram yourself into the thermos, you watch the figgy pigs rush past you and towards the crushed bodymeats of Takarious.

Fortunate enough for you, you are on a hill and begin to roll down it quite fast. After a dizzying ride down the hill, you pull yourself out with a *pop!* and stand upright. But then, out of nowhere, (possibly another plot hole) a dozen zerglings rush you! Oh noes! They look like they might be preoccupied with the Tuna sandwich, but you could also use your dads shotgun you brought for "show and tell" today.

Do you:
>Sacrifice your lunch and run.
>Begin to experience nestalgic feelings towards Quake 2.

ONWARD!

[Flibbo]

nostalgia definitly

you whip out the shotgun and begin to systimatically pwn the zerglings. Despite your best efforts however, one soldier with none of that cool terran armour is NOT gonna survive a zergling rush. Just when all seems lost and you are fumbling around in your lunchbox for the cyanide pill your loving mother puts in every day just in case, Blizzard Entertainment sue this game for copywright infingement and administering headshots to several endangered animals.

In Prison you and the sandwich make a new freind, Bubba. He says he likes you because you have a cute little behind which you mistake for some gangslang meaning "hello". You suudenly realise you desperatly need a pee but the toilet is disgusting and can't go in public. do you...


A) Pee in the toilet despite obvious safty issues
B) Go postal for no reason other than it'll be a laugh and use bubba as a meatsheild
C) Urinate on the warden

[Telephalsion]

C)

While urinating on the warden you notice that the mac n' cheese you had earlier caused your urine to become rather acidic. You being to widen the hole around the edges and soon you see a glimpse of the outside world. And while you're pissing a hole through both the warden and the prison you notice a mistle toe above you. Many of the inmates also look up to see why you are staring up, and they see the mitle toe.

What do you do?

a) Wait patiently so that each inmate may kiss you.
b) Slide down your acid urin hole to freedom
c) Turn around and pee acid on the inmates.

[Takarious]

No, I ended the story to take a break and eat the sandwich.

[Occurrence of Something]

Deciding the acid urine is great fun, you turn around and hose the damn inmates. Unfortunately, as it turns out, they've been eating prison food like mac n' cheese for years now, and have become mutants who absorb acid urine like monstrous sponges. SPONGES!! The inmates grow huge and develop frightening superpowers. One of them changes sexes.

Screaming with horror, you try to retreat into the urine hole, but you find that it has become clogged up with spoons and noserings. Suddenly, a man with a black mask leaps out. He tells you he is the King of Canada. When you deny the existence of any such king, he tells you, "Why, of COURSE there's a King of Canada! Don't believe everything you hear. If you believe anything you hear, then you're bound to believe this: SIEOWGHNBAOGHGAFJB." What do you do?

A) Take the King of Canada hostage and make your getaway
B) Go looking for more mac n' cheese
C) Stand there for a long time, trying to pronounce "SIEOWGHNBAOGHGAFJB."

[EmperorJeramyu]

C)

"SIEOWGHNBAOGHGAFJB."

You say it a few more times out loud. Or at least you try to. In a brilliant display, the mutant-monster inmates explode into a shower of Oxy clean. The King of Canada whirls you around and begins to scream into your face. "DON'T YOU SEE?" He belts, "THE OXY CLEAN MAN IS BEHIND THIS ENTIRE SCHEME!"

Out of sheer boredom, you decide to agree with him. He introduces himself as Archibaldo. Using more acid urine, you create another hole in the wall and jump out... Except you end up in primal Mesopotamia. A crowd of savages surrounds you and Archibaldo, who begins emiting pointless shrieking noises.

What next?

A) Appeal to their most basic instincts by throwing them a doughnut you randomly have.

B) Use Archibaldo as some sort of weapon.

C) Attempt to project a hologram of Ronald Reagan with pure brain power.

[Telephalsion]

a)

You roll the doughnut past the savages, causing them to look at it's perfect roundness with "oooh's" and "aaah's". One of them pick it up and smell it, as he smiles the others close in, and a large fight breaks out. During the confusion you begin walkiung backwards, when you turn around Archibaldo stands there, wearing a large bright rain-fro. He blows a puff of smoke at you and you find yourself lost in the beauty of the rain-fro.

Before you know it you're on a surfboard, beneath you is a sea of Mountain Dew, fearing the beings dweilling deep into the dew you decide to surf towards a large sail you see in the horizon. Thinking that sails usually are attached to boats you are surpised to see the sail being attacked to another sail, which in turn is connected to a series of sprockets and chains. All of this happens to be lying on top of a floating sauna. You hear some sounds from inside. What are you going to do?

1) Go inside the sauna and investigate.
2) Use the sails, sprockets and imagination to make a yatch.
3) Dive into the mountain dew

[Glenn47]

C)

You decide to dive into the delicious nectar. Once inside, primal urges become you, and you drink the entire ocean. You pass out from caffeine intake. Waking up you find yourself next to bones. The sandwich is nowhere to be found. You realize you are in Chucky Cheese's and robot ninja pirates are attacking you with mechanical pencils.

What do you do?

A) Make peace and join ranks with the robot ninja pirates

B) Do the explosion dance

C) Soil yourself and wish the bads away.

[Inderos]

A) Make peace and join the ranks with the robot ninja pirates



The captain turns out to be neither robot or pirate, but an old substitute teacher of yours. After a short conversation detailing why he stopped teaching and eating mayo through a straw during passing periods, he introduces you to the crew- which was surprisingly all "female". The first mate turns out to originally have been that bitch from Weird Science, but too much adrenachrome had overworked her muscles, and she now had an almost completely cybernetic body. The crew's cook was none-other than Debbie from Sealab, who had apparently put her brain in a robot body. Robot ninja body to be exact. Yes, she does have two vaginas and the strength of FIVE gorillas. But why so short? Except for the navigator, Nami(who had originally been just a pirate) the rest of the crew were pretty much just femme-bots from Austin Powers. Nami had a horrible stealing addiction, and before you knew it, your weeks worth of lunch money was gone.


What do you do?


A) Double penetrate Debbie.


B) Threaten Nami and the Femme-bots with your sexy, head exploding dance of death.


C) Submit and become the crew's "cabin boy".

[Sephiroth555]

B

Angry that you'll now have no money to save up for your older brother's porn magazine, you start the head explosion dance and remember the teaching you obtain from your old master Austin Powers. However, Nami doesn't seem to be affected by this dance, and the Femme-Bots are upgraded versions of what Austin had to face and no longer are affected by the Head-explodingness.

Desperately thinking of what your previous, other masters taught you, you seem to come up with two other techniques that you could you use. Realising that you've been looking around, you find that there is a large chopping mechanism (aka sword) lying behind you...

A) Perform techniques that Mr. Miyagi (spelling?) taught you in Karate Kid I, II and III.

B) Perform techniques that you learnt while button smashing in the arcades to Marvel VS Capcom.

C) Grab the sword?

[Occurrence of Something]

B)

You attempt to execute moves from all of your favorite video games, unfortunately half of them are physically impossible and you wind up breaking your own neck. Way to go, you fucking retard.

***You have died***

Your score was 21
You are a Pokemon Masturbator

Would you like to play again? (Y, N): Y

You do everything over again, starting with the fig-shooting pigs and the sandwich, and working your way up to the robot pirates. This time, you pick:

C)

You grab the sword, and suddenly you hear the angels sing. As it turns out, it's some kind of horrible Pop music, also known as just pop music. The robots and Nami all go insane and commit suicide, and you nearly share their fate, until you are miraculously saved by Tarzan, who is swinging from Spiderman, who is swinging from the bottom of a helicopter. The helicopter carries the three of you away, but Tarzan loses his grip on you as you're going, and you fall several million bazillion feet until you hit the world's largest trampoline, and break it, along with your sword. Unfortunately, the trampoline belonged to the world's fattest man, and he looks angry. You notice some tape and glue nearby.

Do you:

A) Try to fix the trampoline with the tape and glue
B) Try to fix the sword with the tape and glue
C) Eat the tape and glue
D) Attempt to spontaneously breathe fire

[Inderos]

C) Eat the tape and glue


Apparently you had listened to "Dumb" by Nirvana one too many times, and in attempt to mend your broken heart after Nami's death, you inhale the glue and swallow the tape. The World's Fattest Man screams in horror, yelling something about eating Bob and Nancy, his two best friends. You would run, but you seem to have developed tuberculosis rather suddenly and are now spitting blood all over the broken trampoline. The World's Fattest man picks you up, muttering something about picking on those smaller than you for a moment, before swallowing your convolting body whole.


Inside, you find yourself among a toybox of other items, surrounded by the victims of The World's Fattest Man.

"WHERE'S THE BEEF!" yells an old lady in the corner.

...What do you do?


A) Give her the "beef".


B) Ignore her for now and talk to everyone else first, RPG style.


C) Cry in a corner over the death of Nami.