NCAA D1 Wants Porter
Posted:
Tue Nov 29, 2005 1:23 pmby Porter
Last night in my amazing game against UW-Manitowoc, a Division 1 NCAA coach approached me and recuited me for the North Dakota State basketball team next year.
Please pay your respects for I am ultra pumped.
Posted:
Tue Nov 29, 2005 2:05 pmby Fitz Tayo
Two words: Yeah, and Fuck in no particular order.
Posted:
Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:13 pmby Strayed Wanderer
Of course everyone wants Porter, he's the 2nd sexiest person alive.
Posted:
Tue Nov 29, 2005 10:18 pmby Iteroth
Remember me when you get to the top
Posted:
Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:30 amby Teenr0cker
well, we never did get around to telling you, but what better a time than the present?
Porter, you are named Bill Greenwood the second because...well, the first Bill Greenwood came before you did, as logics state.
Porter 1 was a great success. He looked very promising and showed great potential in various fields including "Sexy Idling" and 'Inebriated Stupor' in IRC. As time passed, we attempted to introduce metal to Porter 1, as well as some unknown catalyst we now know as 'responsibility'. As you can imagine, the result of an awesome 3 minute solo and duties combining in a chemical reaction within his brain resulted in....well, we think it broke something.
We didn't notice at first, but the changes were more noticable as time passed. Porter1 began to eat scholastic binders for breakfast. Then the pumpkin patch....nobody was quite sure how he'd managed that one. The final undoing of Porter1 was the smallest of change; his "Sexiness Pineal Gland" had grown far too much after the reaction. Responsibility kept him from drinking, which was essential to slowing and weakening the growth of the gland, so it grew.
Soon Porter1 was just too damn sexy for his own good. So we had him killed. We've never discovered how he died, just that when Jera hired the ninjas, he requested the death be very sexy. We had our sexy sexy way with him and then scattered his ashes across the world to make it a sexier place....except for war's house; we didn't want to waste any.
So, after a very long and difficult sidequest involving cointossing, Beginner-level ceramics, a pyramid of tin foil, a rebelling Gamecube, an obligatory graveyard fight, an obligatory sex scene, and an obligatory lawsuit of sexual harassment in our defense, we had the tools and wisdom to make the Bill Greenwood The Second that stands before you.
I must announce this! It is vital that I retract my statement; inaccuracy makes the entire situation insane and illogical.
What I meant to say was we had the tools and wisdom to make the Bill Greenwood The Second that stands before US. Silly me.
Posted:
Wed Nov 30, 2005 12:03 pmby Strayed Wanderer
Porter wrote:Strayed Wanderer wrote:Of course everyone wants Porter, he's the 2nd sexiest person alive.
I'll bite, who's 1?
Walking straight into that one takes the fun out of it.
Posted:
Wed Nov 30, 2005 2:58 pmby Sage Of The Wise
Wait... how can Porter 1 be the sexiest person alive if hes dead?
Posted:
Wed Nov 30, 2005 4:20 pmby Flibbo
Sage Of The Wise wrote:Wait... how can Porter 1 be the sexiest person alive if hes dead?
His sexiness trancends life and death.
Posted:
Wed Nov 30, 2005 7:06 pmby Teenr0cker
....do I have to explain everything to all of you?
pshh
I thought it was clear Porter was immensely sexy in two dimensions without knowing him personally. The first is that we perfected the Porter project's sexy gland, which now had limitless potential due to a breakthrough in technology (we found it on the floor in a park...). The second being we extracted his sexy from the remainder of the ashes and created him with alloys and elements that had absorbed the sexy dust particularly well. Then we got a memo from god saying that if there are any more questions on the topic, just say he did it. And we will. And it was good.