Crestfallen Studios

Well I found some funny jokes and I didn't have a thread to put them in, so here's a thread for jokes, riddles and other funny material.


Terms from the dating game...

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man
that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many
women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not
necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a
woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some
flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by
the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially
attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often
than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not
entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is
directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.


Another random joke:
A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his
deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced
the man's penis off.

Angrily, she tossed it out of the car window.

Driving behind the couple was a man along with his 6-year-old daughter.

The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the
penis smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.

Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was
that?"

Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at
such a young age, the father replied, "It...it was only a bug, Honey."

The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment
she said.... "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?

Part of my soul has just died from the sheer stupidity of the last joke...

Don't expect anything good if someone makes a topic called Humor in a non-sarcastic non-ranting way.

If you want something funny then check these links out.
http://www.trickstutorials.com/download.php?id=bunnyhop
http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/mydog.htm

NBA OR NFL?




36 have been accused of spousal abuse


7 have been arrested for fraud


19 have been accused of writing bad checks


117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses


3 have done time for assault


71, repeat, 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit


14 have been arrested on drug-related charges


8 have been arrested for shoplifting


21 currently are defendants in lawsuits


And 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year.




Can you guess which organization this is?







Give up yet? . . . Scroll down



























Neither, it's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Forerunner wrote:Neither, it's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

I got it right on the first guess.

Violent_Paradan wrote:

Forerunner wrote:Neither, it's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

I got it right on the first guess.

I honestly thought that was PETA.

Oh well.

People Eating Tasty Animals?

The tastiest animal is undoubtedly the moose. And now for some nonsensical humor:


There was two muffins sitting in an oven and the first one huffed heavily and said:
"Pheeeeeeewww, it sure is warm in here"
The otehr one said:
"AIIEEE!!! A talking muffin!"

It was...creative.

lol better then the stuff i come up with.

Ok, I resent people who commonly use particular words in an effort to sound random and cool, words like cheese and even worse, llama.
But this is weird, A Llama for your Mama: http://today.reuters.com/news/NewsArtic ... -LLAMA.xml

And of course, Lego suicide: http://www.flickr.com/photos/eitheror/s ... 7654/show/

And of course, I have to include something lame or you'll have nothing to bitch about, so:

A cowboy in Texas gets pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy sez, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to ! writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and says, "Are you callin' me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies though."

I only just got this. (Sorry for the double post, but I know that if I edit it into the last post you guys will just not read it because the post is too big.)


10 Thoughts for 2006

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in most Western countries, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Forerunner wrote:AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in most Western countries, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Or we could just give Bush the job of janitor. That might work.

Yeah, me and my bad jokes are back.

5 Important Business Concepts

Corporate Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2: A Reverend offered a lift to a Church lady.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a very well turned leg
The Reverend nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he slowly laid his hand on her leg. The church lady said, "Reverend, remember Psalm 129?" His hand quickly fell away.
As the ride continued, so did the temptation until once more he laid his hand on her leg and once again the church lady said, "Reverend, remember Psalm 129?"
The Reverend apologized "I am so sorry that my flesh is so weak."
Arriving at back at the church, the church lady went on her way.
As quickly as he could the reverend rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. Along came a fox, who jumped on the rabbit and ate it..
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. ;

Corporate Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree From there he was able reach a higher branch until finally he was perched on the top branch of the tree. He could see for miles
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.



Where babies come from R-Rated

One afternoon, a little girl returned home from school and announced that a friend had told her where babies come from.

Amused, her mother replied, "Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well, the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and then the daddy's thingy stands up, and then the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes. And that's how you get babies."

Her mother shook her head, leaned over to meet her daughter eye-to-eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewelry."