HolsteinCow's Ninja Dojo: Lesson One
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 12:56 amHOW TO KILL SOMEONE WITH ONLY A BUTTPLUG AND A LITER OF RASPBERRY COULIS
'inspired' by the e2 node of the same name
It is well known that animals can make seratonin(a mania-inducing neurotransmitter) out of tryptophan. It is slightly more esoteric that Gibbons have an enzyme that allows them to produce seratonin from not only tryptophan but also tryptophyl chloride. And while only 1% of the tryptophan will be processed into seratonin, virtually all tryptophyl chloride will be converted to seratonin.
There is a high concentration of tryptophil chloride in raspberries.
Here is what you must do:
A) Catch a male gibbon in the wild. Use only 100 milliliters for this.
B) Before proceeding any further, take a shower. Be sure to eliminate as much of your body odor as you possibly can.
C) 20 minutes before meeting your target, feed the gibbon the rest of your coulis.
D) If there is security present, make it clear that the gibbon is your pet.
E) Once you see the target, insert the butt plug into the gibbons anus and twist it for five full revolutions. This will stimulate the gibbon's prostate gland and cause it to produce the seratonin-producing enzyme.
F) Let chemistry do its work. When the gibbon reaches a high point of mania, release it into the target's face. Gibbons have deadly 1-inch long incisors. The chances of your target surviving are close to zero.
G) The buttplug will still be in the gibbon's anus, which somehow remove's the brain's ability to signify satiety. Thus, the gibbon will actually eat the target and not stop.
H) When all traces are removed, remove the buttplug from the gibbon's anus and get the hell out of dodge. Mission accomplished.
I hope you've learned something valuble today. Come back next time for a detailed look at Richard Simmon's unique abilities and how you can use them to be a better ninja.
'inspired' by the e2 node of the same name
It is well known that animals can make seratonin(a mania-inducing neurotransmitter) out of tryptophan. It is slightly more esoteric that Gibbons have an enzyme that allows them to produce seratonin from not only tryptophan but also tryptophyl chloride. And while only 1% of the tryptophan will be processed into seratonin, virtually all tryptophyl chloride will be converted to seratonin.
There is a high concentration of tryptophil chloride in raspberries.
Here is what you must do:
A) Catch a male gibbon in the wild. Use only 100 milliliters for this.
B) Before proceeding any further, take a shower. Be sure to eliminate as much of your body odor as you possibly can.
C) 20 minutes before meeting your target, feed the gibbon the rest of your coulis.
D) If there is security present, make it clear that the gibbon is your pet.
E) Once you see the target, insert the butt plug into the gibbons anus and twist it for five full revolutions. This will stimulate the gibbon's prostate gland and cause it to produce the seratonin-producing enzyme.
F) Let chemistry do its work. When the gibbon reaches a high point of mania, release it into the target's face. Gibbons have deadly 1-inch long incisors. The chances of your target surviving are close to zero.
G) The buttplug will still be in the gibbon's anus, which somehow remove's the brain's ability to signify satiety. Thus, the gibbon will actually eat the target and not stop.
H) When all traces are removed, remove the buttplug from the gibbon's anus and get the hell out of dodge. Mission accomplished.
I hope you've learned something valuble today. Come back next time for a detailed look at Richard Simmon's unique abilities and how you can use them to be a better ninja.
WTH??!! more ninja skills!
