Crestfallen Studios

I've seen weirder shit than that. Imagine a gun that shoots bear traps, then you'd totally be fucked.

How about a cannon that shoots harpoon cannons? A Harpoon-Cannon Cannon? No navy fleet or whale would be able to withstand such an onslaught.

But would it be able to stop bear calvary? I think not!

I believe it would. Have you ever shot a bear with a harpoon? Imagine thousands of harpoons. It'd be like steel rain.

But these bears are smarter than the average bears. They can summon bees!!!!

This is remarkably similar to the 'Weapons that don't exist but should' topic a while back.

The bears like to fight in the shade.

WELLSY! Have the men prepare a Flamethrowing Harpoon-Cannon Cannon.

You got it!

Just so I get the order right, are we talking a cannon that shoots cannons that then shoot harpoons that throw fire, or are we talking a cannon that both flamethrows and shoots cannons that then shoot harpoons?

Either way, no fucking bear stands a chance.

It should have a pissicle beam, if not, then it should shoot pissicles. And we should send it to Colbert, so he can partake in the slaughter of those Godless Killing Machines.

Did I mention the bears are wielding chainsaw nunchuks and napalm rocket launchers? And are being ridden by an army of unwashed Arabs? And accompanied by the killer tree ferrets capable of crawling down a tree and decapitating a man before he can blink?! And their commander is none other than the wielder of the sword of Zalbak, capable of proclaiming righteous justice by splitting his foes in twine and also wields a gun that shoots 7 barracks, each producing 7 marines, each with 7 guns, with 7 barrels capable of shooting 7 bullets at the same time each capable of hitting 7 different targets?! And that their ally is a giant space robot wielding a bazooka that shoots Black Holes?!

And the number one threat is... robot bears.

The one thing America hadn't planned for.