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Greatchickenman wrote:I'm up for any type of female at least once.
The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster wrote:Earth was created in approximately 0.062831853 seconds and was disguised to appear much older....Our Noodly Creator then placed fossils, hidden under the earth's surface, knowing they would be found - thus, seemingly proving that these creatures existed some time ago....
Then The FSM said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And the FSM adjusted his willowy eyestalks and saw that the light was good; and the FSM divided the light from the darkness. He called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night or "Prime Time." So the evening and the morning were the first day.
The FSM was tired of flying and He couldn't tread water for very long, so he said,"Let there be firmament in the midst of the waters, and let the firmament form coves to one day provied safe harbor for Pirates - no, wait, firmament is a stupid word; let it be called land, since 'firmament-ho!" sounds even stupider than just plain firmament- and let this land divide the waters from the waters. And let there be a volcano to spew forth beer, which seems like a benevolent idea." And the volcano spewed forth beer and He tasted it and declared it quite good. So the evening and the morning were the second day.
Whe the FSM awoke, his thoughts were muddled and He didn't know where He was. Slightly hungover, and somewhere out in the Indian Ocean, the FSM found himself a little confused about what He'd created the day before; and so, self-conscious about the previous night's misbehavior, He started barking Godlike orders in an attempt to reestablish His powerfulnesss, and then the FSM decided to organize. He said, "Let the water under the heavens be gathered together in once place, and let the dry land appear"(having forgotten about Day Two's firmament command), and He called the dry land Earth (having only yesterday come up with the term land), and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And the FSM dried His Noodly Appendages under the hot Light, and He saw that it was good but there was a little problem. For now He had an Earth full of Land and Firmament, which wouldn't do. So he lifted Day Two's firmament up to the heavens and renamed it Heaven. The land from Day Three He left where it was. Heaven seemed like the sweeter pad, and the FSM decided He'd live there and commute to the earth. Then the FSM said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, semolina, rice, and whatever else can be turned into food that rembles my Noodly Appendages," and He saw that this was an original idea, which was certainly good. That night He drank a little less fromt he Beer Volcano, which was relocated to Heaven along with the rest of the firmament. So the evening and the morning were the third day.
At this point, the FSM was a little sore from overexertion. It was difficult for Him to find a comfortable resting position during the night, which was darker than squid ink pasta would eventually be. So He said, "Let there be lights in the heavens, and let there be two lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night." And since He had big plans for the next day, He turned in early. So the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
The fifth day was going to be huge, so the FSM rose early. Then He said, "Let the waters abound, let the skies fill with birds, let the earth bring forth creatures, each according to it's kind. Then let them canoodle and be fruitful." And He saw that it was good, and He was feeling pretty proud of Himself, so He hit the Beer Volcano hard that afternoon.
Later that evening He rolled out of bed and landed hard on the firmament, and this, fair reader, was the true Big Bang. He had a funny feeling and realized in His drunken stupor that He had not only built a factory in heaven that turned out scantily clad women in transparent high heels, but He'd also created a midget on earth, whom He called Man. And He said, "Wow. Even I might have overreached my Noodly Appendage on this one," and not even sure what day it was anymore, He decided to take an extended break from the whole creation gig, and He gave a quick blessing and declared, "From here on out, every Friday is a holiday."
RAmen.
Sage Of The Wise wrote:This sounds like the beginning of a sitcom. Think about it: "Coming this fall to Fox, Ralphie and the Hooker".
HolsteinCow wrote:I got banned off of the official FSM forums for posting a furry porn thread.
Strayed Wanderer wrote:I actually don't love Cow that much, I pretty much put him and GCM in the same group. That group is for people without a real personality, no offense, but if you two were background music, I'd never hear you.
Strayed Wanderer wrote:I actually don't love Cow that much, I pretty much put him and GCM in the same group. That group is for people without a real personality, no offense, but if you two were background music, I'd never hear you.
Richard Dawkins wrote:Life results from the non-random survival of randomly varying replicators.

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