Crestfallen Studios

by **Porter** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 6:20 pm

HOW TO SAVE YOUR ASS IF YOU PLAN TO VISIT WISCONSIN THIS YEAR.
ISSUED BY THE WISCONSIN BUREAU OF TOURISM TO ALL VISITORS:

1) Don't laugh at the names of our towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass.

2) Don't order a bottle or a can of pop here. Here it's called "soda." Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

3) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a
bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass.

4) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.

5) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked.

6) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, Philadelphia and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, interstate 90, 94 and 43 are ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

7) Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked.

8 ) The Green Bay Packers are not a joke. God created the greatest football dynasty ever and placed it in Green Bay. Any jokes about the Packers or Vince Lombardi will result in a severe and unrelenting ass kicking.

9) If you are looking for a water fountain, you'll need to go to a park. Water comes out of bubblers here. Make a joke about it, and you guessed
it, another ass kicking.

10) Sausage Races are cool. Make fun of it, and one of the Sausages will come up from the field of Miller Park and lay down a 8 foot sausage ass
kicking on you.

11) The University of Wisconsin is the oldest, best school in the Big Ten. Any jokes about the quality of UW will result in Barry Alvarez, Ron Dayne,
Dick Bennett, Bo Ryan, Crazylegs Hirsch, Alan Ameche, Pat Richter, and any able bodied UW students assisting Bucky Badger in his class, Ass-Kicking 101.

12) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us that hunting is cruelty to animals and venison is not edible meat. This will get your ass shot (after it is kicked). Say this twice and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass.

Wisconsin, the best state in the US

by **EmperorJeramyu** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 6:25 pm

13) Porter.

14) Porter making topics on message boards on how awesome Wisconsin is.

15) Porter REPRESENTIN' CENTRAL WISCONSIN!!!

by **Porter** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 6:31 pm

damn straight.

by **Excell** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 7:46 pm

Wisconsin sucks.

Your town names sucks ass and deserve to be laughed at.

You're all hicks.

Your weather fucking sucks a large elephant cock.

You have a really shitty fucking accent.

Big cities are a fuckload better then the open road with nothing to do but jerk off and shoot at.....nothing......you fucking hicks.

Oshkosh B'gosh is a joke.

Eagles beat the Packers. Eagles are the best. The Packers will be lucky to even beat shitty big cities teams like NY.

Bubblers? What the fuck?

You guys aren't Italian or German so fuck off the sausages and leave them to real men. City men.

UW is shit. People who want to go to college come to better places like PA, NY, Mass, ect. You guys are illiterate fuckups.

Wisconsin is one of the worst and least useful states in the entire nation. If Wisconsin got attacked we wouldn't even give a shit. Hell, you guys suck so much that the government would probly ignore you if you got attacked. Hell, Osama bin Laden could probly get away with hiding in the wide open nothing of Wisconsin. You fucking Indian wannabes.

It is soda though and you best eat meat.

:lol:

by **iamtheverb** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 10:47 pm

nice try, Porter. wisconsin bureau of tourism? nobody would ever go there on vacation. :wink:

by **Excell** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:02 pm

I just have one question. Why is Verb not a badass?

by **Porter** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:14 pm

ever hear of Illinois? they happen to find it a vacation spot, the FIBS are here almost constantly.

by **War** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:22 pm

... ITS A POP NOT SODA

by **Porter** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:23 pm

man, i wish someone would get me started on Pennsylvania

by **War** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:27 pm

Pennsylvania is a city build around steel mining. Why would it be good?

by **Telephalsion** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 2:38 am

they like metal

by **Impossible** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 5:20 am

Someone kill War. Ew... "pop"?

How the fuck fucking much can that shit Excell fucking swear?

by **Strayed Wanderer** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 7:48 am

Who exactly calls it Pop?

by **Porter** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 8:37 am

Excell wrote:Wisconsin sucks.

Your town names sucks ass and deserve to be laughed at.

nope, Sheboygan is bomb, consider your ass kicked

You're all hicks.

consider your ass kicked.

Your weather fucking sucks a large elephant cock.

that statement explains a lot, we will not kick your ass for that one

You have a really shitty fucking accent.

i never noticed it, but consider yout ass kicked.

Big cities are a fuckload better then the open road with nothing to do but jerk off and shoot at.....nothing......you fucking hicks.

i shall get to this later.

Oshkosh B'gosh is a joke.

if you knew what it meant. consider your ass kicked.

Eagles beat the Packers. Eagles are the best. The Packers will be lucky to even beat shitty big cities teams like NY.

seeing that you judge it off of one football game already makes people from philadelphia dumbfucks. consider your ass kicked, courtesy of titletown, USA (Green Bay est 1919, the first pro football team in america)

Bubblers? What the fuck?

lets not get into that

You guys aren't Italian or German so fuck off the sausages and leave them to real men. City men.

Milwaukee area is 80% hardcore German Heritage (New Berlin, Germantown). Wisconsin is the king of brats and sausage. Your ass will be kicked by a sausage.

UW is shit. People who want to go to college come to better places like PA, NY, Mass, ect. You guys are illiterate fuckups.

Wisconsin has the highest ACT and SAT scores in america. Also has one of the highest tax bracket for all the success here. Did I mention it is also the #1 party school in America? Bucky Badger will kick your ass

Wisconsin is one of the worst and least useful states in the entire nation. If Wisconsin got attacked we wouldn't even give a shit. Hell, you guys suck so much that the government would probly ignore you if you got attacked. Hell, Osama bin Laden could probly get away with hiding in the wide open nothing of Wisconsin. You fucking Indian wannabes.

Philadelphia would be good to wipe off too, it smells bad. Wisconsin is the toughest state in the U.S. We will kick your ass.

It is soda though and you best eat meat.

by **Fitz Tayo** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 9:35 am

RWAHH! You have angered the Gods of Wisconsin! YOU MUST PAY! Go get 'em Porter.

Crestfallen Studios

Don't Mess With Wisconsin....WHY??

Don't Mess With Wisconsin....WHY??

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