The MENS rules

[Porter]

We always hear "the rules"
from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. T hat's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If some thing we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Excell]

1. Suck my dick.

[Sage Of The Wise]

My favorite was 1

[Fitz Tayo]

To add to the thing about color, beige, egg shell and cream, are the same god damn color! It's a conspiracy just to make you buy more, like clothes, or barbie.

[Glenn47]

And rule number 1.

Don't expect us to believe that a type of pizza from 20 miles away can't be found here. It is NOT a good excuse for what you were eating while you ignored us online, when in fact you THOUGHT you were talking to a hotter guy.

Seriously though, why didn't she just say DiGiorno?
Guess she couldn't spell it.

BLONDE!!!

[Exiled]

I agree with everything you say Porter...
But, I don't see anything about music...

[DSOK]

And rule number 1.

Don't expect us to believe that a type of pizza from 20 miles away can't be found here. It is NOT a good excuse for what you were eating while you ignored us online, when in fact you THOUGHT you were talking to a hotter guy.

Seriously though, why didn't she just say DiGiorno?
Guess she couldn't spell it.

BLONDE!!!

I don't think one this has the quasi-universality of the other rules.

In fact, what in the name of God's ass are you talking about?!?

[Excell]

He got rejected.

[Sage Of The Wise]

And rule number 1.

Don't expect us to believe that a type of pizza from 20 miles away can't be found here. It is NOT a good excuse for what you were eating while you ignored us online, when in fact you THOUGHT you were talking to a hotter guy.

Seriously though, why didn't she just say DiGiorno?
Guess she couldn't spell it.

BLONDE!!!

I don't think one this has the quasi-universality of the other rules.

In fact, what in the name of God's ass are you talking about?!?

I was wondering the exact same thing...

[rangi]

1. I don't know any girl who died for a broken nail.

1. What's the matter about squeezing toothpaste in the middle?

[Glenn47]

Don't judge until you've been on mIRC. Otherwise you're just a forum junkie.

[DSOK]

Don't judge until you've been on mIRC. Otherwise you're just a forum junkie.

My question about God's ass still stands.

[Glenn47]

It's an excuse that a chick gave to me online. Why she bothered to make up an imaginary type of pizza that she wasn't even eating is completely out of my grasp of thought. BTW, thanks Porter!

[Porter]

I'm such a badass

[Glenn47]

If you were transformed into any person's ass, it'd probably be god's ass.