Calories and Sex

[Porter]

CALORIES AND SEX

It has been common knowledge for many years that sex was good exercise, but until now nobody made a scientific study of the average caloric consumption of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

With her consent.............................................12 Calories
Without her consent...................................2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:

With both hands..............................................8 Calories
With one hand...............................................12 Calories
With your teeth............................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

With an erection...............................................6 Calories
Without an erection...................................3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:

Missionary......................................................12 Calories
69 lying down.................................................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................................216 Calories
Doggy Style..................................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.......................................2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:

Real............................................................112 Calories
Fake........................................................1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:

Lying in bed hugging.............................................18 Calories
Getting up immediately..........................................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:

20-29 years..................................................36 Calories
30-39 years..................................................80 Calories
40-49 years................................................124 Calories
50-59 years.............................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years.............................................7,916 Calories
70 and over......................................Results still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:

Calmly..................................................................32 Calories
In a hurry.............................................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door............. 5,218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door.........7,422 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.............18,521 Calories

Results may vary.

[TeppicTheBloodLyn]

With your wife knocking at the door.............18,521 Calories

Results may vary.

Gold, pure gold.

[Zidane]

XD! Thanks for the laugh.

[Sage Of The Wise]

LOL! That was great.

[Flibbo]

Would anyone like me to post my sex dictionary?

[Impossible]

Hell yes. Post it.

[TeppicTheBloodLyn]

what is the "Italian chandelier"?

[Telephalsion]

I don't recognize it, i've heard of the italian chair... it's the guy upside down shaped like a chair and his thing pointing straight up and the lady sits on the chair

[DSOK]

what is the "Italian chandelier"?

There's an animated picture of it here. If you can't tell, she's on top.

[TeppicTheBloodLyn]

what is the "Italian chandelier"?

There's an animated picture of it here. If you can't tell, she's on top.

Anything more detailed?

[Telephalsion]

thats not very special

69 standing seems more difficult

[Porter]

what is the "Italian chandelier"?

There's an animated picture of it here. If you can't tell, she's on top.

Anything more detailed?

there are plenty of porn sites out there if you want to whack off man.

[TeppicTheBloodLyn]

i mean instructions on how to do it. like Kama Sutra.

[DSOK]

here. If you can't tell, she's on top.

Anything more detailed?

I couldn't find anything on Google. Anyway, it looks pretty easy to understand, although I don't see how anybody would think it was aerobically demanding. If you want videos of real people going at it, you can surf the porn sites yourself.

[Telephalsion]

she's just lying on him in like, reversed missionary