hfygs - The Birth

[Teenr0cker]

B: Ignore her and talk to everyone else first.

While you stroll around the bowels of the large man for awhile, fighting off "Fatties" and gathering information all the while from the local tapeworms. As you continue to destroy these "Fatty" monsters, the space around you seems to shrink...uh oh.


Moments later, you emerge from the sticky pile of meat and carbon that was formerly your captor, wiping bits of little T-bone steaks off you. You don't know how long you were in there, but it seems even fat people can move as well as skinny people, because you now find yourself in a School Auditorium.

As you take a seat in the middle row, the lights flash on and the stars are introduced as either Red or Blue Team members. After a night filled with hilarious improv comedy activities, you wait outside the backstage door after the show to congratulate the victorious team's captain. As he opens the door and greets you, you


A) befriend him after a series of complements and convince him to join your party.
B) Throw a flashbang to distract him while you manuever around him so you can grab him from behind and interrogate him.
C) Suddenly Bust out a guitar solo of the most awesome and righteous proporitons ever known to man, inspired by this person.

[EmperorJeramyu]

C)

Unfortunately, the person views this as some sort of challenge. He begins to scream wildly, and takes out a bey blade. A bit confounded, you take out your bey blade and start to scream too. A gigantic arena materializes and you both "let it rip", into the arena.

A violent battle of bumping and hitting ensues. Your opponent screams loudly in an attempt to win. When you attempt to scream, you hack up blood from your tuberculosis. All of this is irrelevent however, as the arena turns out to be a giant funnel, which your bey blade drops through the center of. The man starts to scream again, and kicks you to the ground so he can dance on your body.

Before he can do that, Captain Picard suddenly appears and vaporizes the man. As it turns out, you're in the holodeck of the Enterprise D.

What now?

A) Attempt to start the self-destruct cycle

B) Unleash a crappy internet fad

C) Breakdance

[Impossible]

B) Unleash a crappy Internet fad.

And not just any Internet fad. You take over the ship (eliminating all opposers with acid piss) and use its concentrated aura of geekiness to travel back in time to the date of the Genesis release of Zero Wing. You become the person to start the "All Your Base" fad.

Either adored or despised by the masses, you become the ruler of the entire world with your fad-creating powers. Nobody can stand up to you, because you created All Your Base!

All the women on Earth would shoot their true love in an instant to have you, but every time you fuck someone (which is at least a dozen times daily with your totally packed schedule) they're killed by your acidic semen. After a while you decide to stop, and remain in your mansion while crowds of screaming girls await outside for a glimpse of the world's most hated and loved man.

You ignore them all, though, fearing for their safety. But then... You get an idea. You realise you can do ANYTHING with your power, and decide to revive Nami right inside your bedroom. You're faced with a difficult decision:

A) Pure Love
B) Platonic
C) Put it in

[Inderos]

C) Put it in


For some strange reason you think that you're going to have enough self control to pull out before you finish. Sadly though, Nami isn't much for sex, and just lays there like a dead fish, moaning every once in awhile so you don't get too bored.

Quickly, the time of truth arrives. You felt it built up for the last minute. Yes, minute. As you're about to explode with pleasure, you make the most important decision of your life:


A) Pull it out and spray the sheets.


B) Pull it out and spray Nami's face.


C) Don't pull out.

[Glenn47]

A) Spray the sheets

You pull out realizing that your acid-semen would kill her all over again. You spray the sheets, and a gaping hole forms beneath you. Sensing adventure, you jump down 2 billion miles, and end up in the center of the sun. The heat is immense, for everyone is staring at you out of shock. Hell, you just fell out of nowhere into the sun. How embarrassing.

You see Garthak on a bar stool. You decide not to Narfle the Garthak, and buy him a drink. His friend Mithos Yggdrasil gets jealous of your friendship, and challenges you to a duel. Realizing he's a weak little angel, you accept.

Choose your weapon

A) Light Saber
B) Sword-chucks
C) DBZ style energy blasts

[Inderos]

A) Lightsaber



Before you can turn the lightsaber on, you're dead. Yggdrasill is just that cool. But, you still win the game.


What do you do?


A) Start a new game+ and keep your level


B) Start a new game+ and keep your money


C) Start a new game+ and keep your Ex Gems

[Impossible]

Inderos, you fool, nobody EVER picks Put it in! It's just always there!

And you picked the worst option of the three in your last post, the other two would have been funny.

Also, you suck.

And I don't have time to do it now. But somebody pick C.

[Teenr0cker]

Agreed Impossible. Anyhow, thanks to Glenn who salvaged this story, I shall continue.


Appealing to many an 8-Bit theatre fan out there, you whip out your sword chucks. You remember the countless nights of you smithing these deadly weapons, always modifying the length of the handle and chain to avoid cutting yourself. As your opponant gets within the standard battle range, you realize that the spell you learned as a small child but never got to actually use is now very much usable. You quickly decide to ignore it and go at your angelic foe.

Dodging countless fiery angelic energy balls, you rush the pseudo-angel and slice him to slicey bits of slices. As you walk away, you see that his true form is revealed, making him stronger. You try the swordchucks again, but to no avail. What do you do?


A)Summon your _________(s) to help you defeat the angel as a team using your special ability
B)Power up your swordchucks with the power of muffins
C)Turn around and make running motions, hoping to escape

[EmperorJeramyu]

A)

It occurs to you to invoke a wind elemental. You do so, and the final boss explodes into more oxy clean. It's clear to you that Archibaldo was not lying. The oxy clean guy is responsible, and it's your duty to put a stop to him. It doesn't help that you're on the great wall of China.

A strong wind blows you off the wall. Flying is a pleasant sensation, until you notice that you're heading right for a Sarlacc pit. You ponder what your girlfriend might be doing right now as the horrific monster prepares to preserve you for digestion over a 1000 years.

Five minutes later however, a plot hole drops you outside of...

A) The death star

B) Rome

C) Dracula's Castle

[Glenn47]

B) Rome

You realize you are in Rome. Obviously you decide to challenge the new Pope to arm-wrestle. Seeing the Pope, you yell "NOOB! I KILL U!"
Taking him by the arm, the battle ensues. You lose fast, because 1) he's got God on his side, 2) You think it was rigged, and 3) You never leave your computer.
Showing newfound respect to your new Sensai, he makes you battle Sheik. You turn off items, put on 5 lives, and decide to fight on the moon. Suddenly Sheik realizes she has a stomach virus.

What do you do?

A) Kill Sheik and run, moon-style
B) Take a break throwing moon rocks until Sheik can fight
C) Whip out Stratovarius music and use sound waves to create a plot hole.

[Porter]

C) Whip out Stratovarius music and use sound waves to create a plot hole.

Soon after the arm wrestling match in Rome, you are suddenly at a Stratovarius concert.

Since they suck the big one live, the backing tapes along with the angry live music god power created a plot whole, also known as... A GATEWAY TO HELL.

Timo Kotipelto and Timo Tolkki are sucked in with the rest of the world. What is your choice of action?

a) Breed with Lucifer
b) Use stalagmite mounted Hitler's useless sexual junk and make a rope out of the hole.
c) Masterbate all over hell and extinguish the fire.

[Telephalsion]

B)

Once you climb out of the hole you find yourself inside a bag of cheetos. Thinking that cheetos are tasty you start eating, unfortunately the bag is soon picked up by porter, who thinks that his evil ex-neighbors have eaten his cheetos in secret. He decides to throw away the bag after gorging on the crums left inside. He starts pouring the cheeto-dust towards his mouth. With fear you slide down the silvery plastic into the mouth of porter. You have only a few things left to do.

1) grab porters uvula and beg you can hold on.

2) grapple onto his teeth and take up profession as a tooth troll.

3) hope that porters stomach is a cozy place.

[Alundra]

hope that porters stomach is a cozy place.


Once you get swallowed by Porter you find a sunken ship, a tiny whale called wallace and a zora girl called ruto which is naggin' ur head off...

You either

A) carry her around, look for the exit and once you find it you throw her back into the stomach acid...
B) do her doggy style and throw her in the stomach acid and then look for the exit...
c) tickle the stomach side and hope porter burps her up and go live in the sunken ship

[Glenn47]

A)

You carry around this nagging nagger for what seems like an hour's real life time. Soon you realize you've been playing for 6 hours, and didn't do your chores. Either way, you found the exit. The Zora says "Yay! Now let's get out of here!" and you use a glitch you found on the internet to stay in the room a while longer. You chuck her into the stomach acid, and laugh as if you're the first person to ever think up this glitch. Even so, she appears on the other side of the door anyway, as usual. Damn.

You crawl out of Porter's mouth while he's asleep in a drunken stupor. You jump off his bed and into his sock by mistake. You see four level 26 Footites running towards you. Prepping for battle with Yoga stretches, you pull out your back.

What do you do?
A) Kill of all but one Footite and use your negotiation ability to persuade it to join your party.
B) Summon Megaman X power like when Zero was dying, and battle with your energy bar filled.
C) Pause the game, save, equip your Roc's feather, and jump away.

[Teenr0cker]

Pulling out your handy 512 MB SanDisk Thumbdrive and your SanDisk Mp3 player, you hit start and the familiar tune 'Beamsabre Beat' fills the air.


As you scream a mighty roar and arc your back upward while your arms are at bent upward, pivoting somewhere near your pelvis (the only true stance to either accepting power or blowing yourself up), you feel a warm sensation as the X Power fills you to the brim with it's awesomeness. Perhaps you hadn't noticed until that moment, or maybe it just suddenly appeared on you, but you were wearing MegaMans basic blue armor. In a brilliant flash of light, you feel yourself getting even stronger as the legendary* white armor appears fitted on you.

With the most fluid of movements and speed, you dash towards your enemies with vigor, all while charging up your MegaBuster for a blast of truly epic proportions. You halt, your targets in range, and brace yourself. Just a bit more....a bit more...a bit- There! You release the energy and are amazed by the effect. Note: Since there were no poets present, recording devices running, nor words to describe that which happened then, we'll just skip past the part that cannot be described in any way.


As you sail through the air, armor having fallen off, you notice that you are heading right for a snowcapped mountain. With a level of luck only the pope could recieve from the big G man himself, you survive the crash. You seem to have landed at a ski resort of some kind, since there are several skiers and snowboarders. Using a pair of Skis you stole from some rich owl nearby, you set off down the slope. After awhile, a sign tells you that the trail ends there. Being the rebel you are, you continue down the slope. After another minute, out of nowhere, a grey oval with sticks, which might be it's arms and legs and a square with two dots and a red hole for a head, emerges out of a snowtrench. Seeing that this horrible creature looks intent upon consuming you, you change direction and continue on. As you glance ahead, you consider your options:


A) Ski Backwards while using any and all assortments of weaponry on the monster in hopes of killing it.
B) Activate your rocket boosters and hope you outrun- err outski the monster by avoiding objects and jumping ramps.
C) Install Windows 2000 or later, making this DOS reality and your newer reality become incompatable with eachother, thus eliminating any DOS monsters you previously could have percieved.


*Note: The White Armor is not considered Legendary by most Theologists and scientists, but a mere fantasy. However, it is considered, and therefore is, legendary by those enlightened.