The continuing saga of "Wrong Way"!

[EmperorJeramyu]

Inspired by some crazy antics in #theway, I've begun writing a doofy little story about the denizens of #theway, and the boards. Since working on it till the end in one shot is just boring, I've decided to post it in segments, and maybe add a 'choose your own adventure' element to it at points. This isn't a chain fic, so let me handle the writing. Now with no further delay, I bring you part 1 of "Wrong Way"

"From sober origins"

The place? Crestfallen HQ. The time? 1 A.M. Iteroth woke up. He scratched his bum idly, and yawned.
“What the hell…” he muttered in a sober stupor. He was generally unclothed, and hoards of empty bottles of booze decorated the floor, accompanied by a bong or two. No one else alive was in the room. Iteroth let out a belch, and after several trials, made it to the status of bipedal. Moaning and scratching, he made his way out into the main corridor of HQ.
Being morning, very little of the crestfallen few (no pun intended) were out and about, doing what they may. Against all odds, Exiled was loitering in front of a particularly uninteresting wall.
“Dude.” Iteroth declared soberly. Exiled proceeded to stand and stare at the wall.
“Hey.” Iteroth continued. Exiled didn’t budge.
“Hello?”
No good.
“DUDE.”
Still nothing.
Iteroth gave up, and proceeded down a corridor, searching for the lunchroom. A few walls crashes later, he had a tray in hand, and moved up to obtain waffles. Delicious waffles. Holstein Cow was serving.
“Waffles.” Iteroth stated.
Holstein Cow stared for a few seconds. “I don’t know how to cook. Why am I here?”
“Waffles.” Iteroth stated.
“SILENCE WOMAN!!!” Cow screamed. Iteroth blinked, and retrieved his own waffles. Delicious waffles.
Sitting down with a fart, Iteroth’s hearing returned to him.
“Did you hear? A THEIF broke into Lun’s inner chamber!”
“No way! A THEIF?”
“Yeah, supposedly, the THEIF stole something valuable.”
“Wow! Why are we capitalizing the world THEIF?”
“I don’t know, but I have a boner!”
Iteroth tuned out from the rest conversation. How could someone sneak into Lun’s inner chamber? Jeramyu was on guard 24/7! Except when he was wanking. Things suddenly became clear. It must have been the waffles.
Stealing someone’s clothes, Iteroth dashed down the corridors, to the barrier hallway to Lun’s chamber. Jeramyu stood, ever vigilant.
Jeramyu greeted “Hi. Don’t use the bathroom to the right.”
“I already knew that.” Iteroth said. “Say… I’ve heard that someone snuck into Lun’s room last night.”
Jeramyu shook his head. “Couldn’t have happened.”
“What about last time? When you let that guy dressed as a chick in?”
“That’s only because I hadn’t seen a chick in months. Now I know the truth. There aren’t any chicks around here for 50 miles.” Jeramyu explained.
“Can’t you just check?” Iteroth pleaded.
Jeramyu caved in. “All right. Fine.” He paused, and turned to the boring door ahead. “MASTER LUN! I WISH TO ENTER!”
There was silence.
“Whatever.” Jeramyu said, pushing open the door. The room was dark; there was no sound or movement.
“LUMOS!” yelled Jeramyu, “Err… where’s the damn light switch.” Iteroth flicked it on. Now there way light, but still nothing else.
“A note.” Jeramyu said aloud. He picked it up, and read.
”WE HAVE YOUR LEADER, AND HAVE BROUGHT HIM TO OUR FORTRESS FAR, FAR AWAY. YOU WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN, UNLESS YOU FUFILL OUR DEMANDS! THIS INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO: WAY HENTAI, WAY FURRIES…” the list went on.
Iteroth stammered in disbelief. “Dude, they FUCKING KIDNAPPED LUN!!”
“This… is serious…” Jeramyu muttered. He stood still for a second, and suddenly raised his head upwards dramatically. “ASSEMBLE THE TEAM!!!” he shouted.

Across the base, Porter and Excell awakened.

So ends part 1. I'll probably post a new segment every other day or something like that.

[Greatchickenman]

Curses, i'm not in it yet

[Porter]

haha...

looks familiar though...that's pretty much how #theway game starts

[OverlordBill]

Damn it, why the hell do I always miss these things? I better appear or things may get ugly. Very ugly.

[Strayed Wanderer]

That was actually interesting... I think a demotion (or is it promotion, I can't tell in these cases) is in order.

My list now goes like this:
1) Newbie
2) Impossible
3) Ryan
4) Bikkel (Pending)
5) Holstein
6) Jeramyu

[Excell]

Me and Porter have awoken! The Dream Team is assembling!!!

[Exiled]

the wall...

Well im not as bad as I used to be...

[EmperorJeramyu]

...And since I know how to deliver, here's part two!

"Assemble the team!"

“TO THE BADASS CAVE!!!” Jeramyu shouted.
5 minutes later, everyone was assembled in the rec room.
“All right! Here’s the deal! Lun’s been kidnapped!” Jeramyu announced, making random hand gestures in the process.
“Damn! Time to kick some ass!” Porter shouted, banging his fist on a table with a precarious amount of nails railed through it.
“Yeah!” Excell chimed in, kicking Porter in the shins.
“This is definitely a job for the badass 4.” Porter confirmed, taking the pain like a man.
“Hmm… somehow, I think we’re going to need some help though…” Jeramyu mused, “Perhaps we need to call a full assembly.”
Within an hour, the crestfallen few were assembled in the auditorium.
“Everyone! Shut up!” Jeramyu yelled. “Shut up!” Porter set m+, and all was silent. “Ok, listen up! Lun’s been kidnapped!”
The screaming mouths and wailing hands were evident. “Now calm down…” Jeramyu lamented.
“OR YOU’RE ALL BANNED!” Excell screamed, committing an act of vandalism.
Jeramyu picked up, “No… Here’s the deal. Porter here has proposed a journey…” Porter made a humping motion in correspondence.
“Yes, there will be that, but the journey will take us to a place that many of us choose to avoid… GAMINGW!!!”
The crowd made notions of horror again. “…Anyone is welcome to accompany us. Now if GamingW isn’t enough, then realize, that those who accept the task… must spend an undisclosed amount of time in close proximity of Excell.”
The room was pretty much empty after that.
“Just as I thought… TO THE GARAGE!!!”

Porter held the roster. “All right here we have… Me, Jera, Excell, Iteroth, Exiled, Bill, Cow, Tele, Glenn, War, Impossible, Strayed… and at our… uh… moon base, Verb, Fitz, Otaku, Chickenman, and Guilf.”
“Let’s get this party started!” Iteroth proclaimed, marching around in a circle.
Jeramyu raised his hand in protest, “Problem number 1, we need a ride. Something big, to carry all of us, something with satellite TV, bathrooms, satellite TV, stereo system…”
“I have just the thing!” Telephalsion interjected.
“Spam with wheels?” Jeramyu sneered.
“No, Fitz and I built a kickass, super-bus. It’s got all you said, and more.”
“What about the Nympy Mermaid Dryad Hot thingy that's only thought is mating, and can't get pregnant unless one who sleeps with it wills it?”
“Uh… that’s still in production.”
“Say… where is Fitz? I thought he was at the moon base.”
“I think he died last night at Iteroth’s party.”
“Oh. That sucks.”
“Yeah, now… the bus.”
With a large, and macho grunt, the doors of the machine shop opened. Out rolled the sweetest, most awesome bus that was ever built. The crowd let out a gasp of amazement.
Excell was the first to speak. “What about the badassmobile?”
Tele shook his finger in a stupid fashion. “I strapped it to the top, in case of emergency.”
Porter shook his head equally as stupidly. “Whatever. Everyone in the bus!”
When that was accomplished, the badass four gathered.
Porter looked at the other three excitedly. “You all know what this means, don’t you?”
Jeramyu answered equally as excited “Uhuh…”

…

“ROAD TRIP!” the four shouted, making an excited skip into the air.

[Porter]

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!

[OverlordBill]

I'm telling you I better get to 1) stab someone and 2) eat them.

[Telephalsion]

To bad fitz died

Maybe it's just me but I htink you misspelled hot dryad mermaid nymph siren chick who's only thought is mating and she can't get pregnant unless the one she sleeps with wills it.

think I misspelled it too.

[EmperorJeramyu]

To bad fitz died

Maybe it's just me but I htink you misspelled hot dryad mermaid nymph siren chick who's only thought is mating and she can't get pregnant unless the one she sleeps with wills it.

think I misspelled it too.

That would make sense, seing as how I copied and pasted it right out of irc.

[Excell]

Nice. I am......THE ASSHOLE!

[Fitz Tayo]

... Why me?!

[Strayed Wanderer]

... Why me?!

Because you suck!... or because you will return as zombie ninja and save Jeramyu from being devoured by a man (and/or woman) eating reviewer at gamingw.

At least you got to be at the moon base...